2018-10-12T02:16:17+01:00 - (2 minutes read)

Green

I thought I saw you in a window. You were at your favourite café, drinking coffee with your hair in a bun. You had on your favourite sweater, and that big stupid grin I haven't seen in forever. You looked like you were having the time of your life. I saw you laugh. I wasn't close enough to hear it, but Lord knows I felt it. Felt how it used to echo across the room, when I told you jokes. Felt how you used to quietly rumble when I whispered bad pick-up lines in your ear. For what it's worth, I'm glad he makes you laugh too. The world always seemed a little brighter when you smiled.

I thought I saw you in a crowd once. You ran across my line of sight, half a donut in your mouth, your hands eagerly pushing someone along. You trudged right past me; didn't even turn your head. To be fair, my hair can cover my face now. You still barely make any sound when you walk. You always had such silent steps. I never heard you coming when you'd try to sneak up on me while I was cooking. I didn't hear you go when I finally drove you away.

I thought I saw you in a raincloud. I woke up to this heavy thunderclap and reached over to reassure you. "Everything's okay." I said. "I'm here." I was there, but you weren't. You hadn't been there for a while, and I never noticed how much colder the room had got. You always loved the rain, but hated how loud the thunder was. Does he hold you close when you shrink away from the crack of lightning? Does he tell you stories to distract you from the dark sky? My notebook is full of stories I don't know what to do with. I can't bring myself to throw it out.

Hey, do you see me anywhere? Is there still space for me in your new life? Or is his voice all you can hear now? Does he kiss you till your mind stops working? Does he rock you to sleep? Does he sing all your favourite songs to you when you're bored? Does he even care? DOES HE REALLY LOVE YOU?! Because...you deserve it. I know I wasn't good for you, but...I hope I didn't mess up your sense of love. And if I did I...I hope he fixes it. You deserve far more than what I gave you.

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