Open Letter to the crush who never said 'yes'

I’m fat because I want myself and my networth to be described with the same adjective.

When I was younger my best good Friend said to me “if you ever find someone sweet, never let her go” The only sweet things I could find were cakes, pasteries and cookies and I’m fat because I followed his advice.

I’m fat ‘cos I’m tough – I never run away from a fight - I’m up for any challenge especially if it’s a massive plate of food, a pan of cake or a bucket of ice-cream.

I’m fat because I’ve been bottling up my feelings. I’m like a walking bag of emojis; padlocked with a ‘fragile' warning on it.

I’m fat because I’ve been eating my way out of depression. The depression you put me in whenever an emoji slips out of the bag and my feelings are made known to you.

I’m fat because you only wanted to hang out at the cool places (Restaurants, Pizza/shawarma shops et al) and never at my house. So I thought if I spent more time in those cool places, I would be cool enough for you to hang with in private. #WisdomWillNotKillMe

I’m fat because I like to keep the butterflies in my stomach nourished so I can feel them wiggle healthily whenever I hold your gaze or feel your touch.

I’m fat because food never says ‘No' and you never said ‘Yes' 😥

They say “you are what you eat” and I really wanted to look like a snack for you this summer so I kept taking loads of them. #SummerBody

The Bible says “guard thine heart with all diligence” Society says “the stomach is the doorway to a man’s heart”. I’m fat because the doorway to my heart is always fully guarded to keep me from falling for heartbreakers like you. #iObeyScriptures.

I’m fat because I eat when I’m hungry and when I’m horny. Being single is not easy you know, food had to fill in the gap.

I’m fat because I swallowed my pride… but I wish I swallowed yours.

I'm fat because pride goes before a fall, even though I swallowed mine, I'll need a cushion just in case I drop.

But I already fell for you, and it hurt. Especially since you were never there to pick me up.

PS. If this article didn’t hit you at some point, then a car will!