At 11:11pm she lays in bed.
nights like this brings a lot of hurtful memories. Memories she wouldn't want to recall but they just keep flooding in ..
thoughts of all the things she's done wrong.

At 11:11pm she thinks of all those she had to let go and the one she's about to let go.
She blamed herself for having to let them go. These are nights when she felt so hallow inside, empty and out of place ..
nights when her mind wanders to the unknown

Suddenly she starts crying. Tears run down her cheeks and Collect upon her pillow .
She finally lets it all out . She's not as strong as she once was. would she ever be happy ?
Would she ever be at peace ? Have an amazing rest of mind .. damn she wished for that , she really really wished for that .. maybe she thought he would be different , or she hoped he would , she wished but guess what nah he ain't .. somewhere in her she did wish for different well maybe not entirely , maybe just a little bit .. Oops 🙊 who's she kidding ..damn it felt as tho he's own level of fuckery had no limit we all have that moment when you put someone on a pedestal and suddenly you notice what's wrong, you spend all your time trying to fix it by making it right and all the while, you falling apart yourself ..
No recognition , you feel deteriorated .. well I guess that's what's going on with her right
  it did hurt her ,
not 'hurt' hurt is a four letter word.
Almost cute sounding. Awww did that hurt ? No . It didn't hurt.
Destroyed , obliterated, desecrated, demolished , or shattered maybe......
but No it didn't hurt her
It didn't hurt her at all..
She knew so much of what she learned about love was taught by people who never really loved or cared about her .. and then she smiled but this time it was different. Her face smiled but her eyes didn't.
He kissed her cheek and then she knew
That you could become homesick for people too

At 7am she had woken up with a new mindset but with the same weight on her chest.. out of the bed , straight to the shower , yes her night was terrible , she barely slept , all she wanted was just to be away from them as far as possible. She had to ..

All set to leave he had to go take a smoke .. walked past her like she was nothing.. he hadn't said the word yet .. all it took was 7 letters , why was that so bloody difficult for him to say ? When you hurt someone intentionally or otherwise all you gat do say "am sorry " at least that's what her dad taught her .. he did give her some pretty good advice if only he took some himself .. shake it off girl , shake off the dad thoughts a voice whispered .. not that she was raised by him , she survived him off course he's always gonna be the villain of her life but that was some lows for another time .. Sighs 😁 to be CONTINUED