The Arson Knight
Human by Day, Hacker by Knight.
2 min read
#LoveIs A Buggy Program

Before you read this, there are two important things to note:

  • First off, I'm a Programmer. This means even my article about love is going to be filled with references to abstract concepts like function overloading, stack pointers and binary trees. So, to the uninitiated, this might be a little strange, but to my fellow code brethren, dive in!

  • Second, bugs are generally errors or unintended effects. They have very annoying effects, especially when we're trying to fix them. Sometimes, you fix one issue and a hundred more appear.

Well, I'll start with a basic algorithm for how I think Love v1.0 is intended to work.

Here it is:


While (Living Life){
  Decide on whether or not to have companionship;
  If (companionship is chosen){
    Meet Person and fall in Love;
    Build up courage and confess feelings;
    Wait for target to process and respond;
    If response is positive{
      Be Merry and ride off into the sunset;
    }
    - Else{
      Return to Decision
    }
  Else{
    Live sad and Lonely Life;
    Return 0;
  }
}

Pretty straightforward, right?

Well, in my (admittedly) limited experience, it never goes that way. The Confession step returns a promise, which, ideally, means I should be able to asynchronously continue with my life with no stress until she responds.But, of course, this was one of those YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary) things.

I couldn't concentrate anymore, I was writing crappy code, Making long phone calls, ignoring arguments about Ruby vs Python (Pythons eat Rubies though), and missing deadlines.

After like a month of this, I realised that this was unhealthy and ridiculous. I mean, I missed the season finale of Person Of Interest for God's sake. So I resolve in my mind that I'm over the whole drama of Love. Unfortunely, Aphrodites can be a real female dog when she wants to be. The object of my(one-sided) affections gives me a phone call. It's not even a long one, but all of a sudden, I'm completely hooked again.

And the cycle continues, ad infinitem.

So, that's why I think #LoveIs buggy. Uses up a lot of memory, ties down system resources , doesn't crash even when it screws up to 11 and worst of all doesn't make the system happy.

Now that I think about it though, maybe this wasn't Love, but some cleverly disguised Trojan Horse?

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